Monday, September 5, 2011

The British have Invaded





Bobbi:  I just realized yesterday that my alarm system on my house speaks with a British accent.  It isn't a British company, therefore, what's the point?  Is a British voice supposed to have a more calming effect? Be more authoritative? Make me feel more elite? Eventually get me to have an accent too...because she talks ALL the time.  Guaranteed in her politeness, she isn't going to scare off any crime seekers.

Margaret:  Ummm...why is your alarm going off ALL the time?  Did you leave the front door ajar again?  Last week it was leaving the groceries out in the car.  You know, this memory thing of yours is starting to worry me a little!!

Bobbi:  It's because I live such an active lifestyle that I'm always going in and out of the doors, therefore she is always speaking in her perfect little British accent.  'Front Door'  'Back door' 'Armed'
Disarmed'  etc.  It does remind me of the time I dated the Australian fellow.  Not much to look at, but his voice was so exotic.  If only I could have kept my eyes closed indefinitely then things may have gone different between us.  The main difference here with the issue at hand is this is a woman, her voice is annoying to me and I don't think she'd be effective in protecting my home.

Margaret:  You've been bitter ever since you found out Mel Gibson isn't really Australian.  I'll bet he'd be effective in protecting your home!!

Bobbi:  He'd be effective in beating me senseless in my home.   If we are talking effectiveness, I'm thinking Ninja.  Imagine:  'Get out of my house now!!!'  (in a strong, yelling, Asian accent with sounds of swords clinging).

Margaret:  So...EVERY time you open a door or window you want someone to yell "Get out of my house now!!!" at you?  That WOULDN'T get old.  You'd walk in the front door, hear that and drop your bag of groceries (if you remember to bring them in).  Maybe it could just say, "I'm warning you, I know Kung Fu!!"  OR... how about Snow White...singing....  Calming, authoritative, elite and without an accent.

Bobbi:  How about no voice?  I don't need someone to tell me what door just opened.  Since I use the door, I'm pretty sure I know which one I opened.  At least give me an option like my GPS to turn it off.  I may be old, but I'm not stupid.  So either make me a ninja voiced alarm or leave me alone.

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