Keeping Up With the Joneses

Margaret:  I was listening to the radio the other day and a women called into the show to say, "I'm glad we're in a recession because now I don't have to keep up with the Joneses."  HELLLLLOOOOO!!!  Who ever said you HAD to keep up with the Joneses?  Recession is a mighty high price for the rest of us to pay so that she could finally feel uncomfortable spending more than she has.  But I am glad she's thinking more clearly now.  The world has too many 'Joneses' anyway. 

Bobbi:  Maybe it isn't the Joneses pocketbook she's trying to keep up with.  It could quite possibly be the attitude or the upturned noses of the Joneses that have her upset.  I don't think some people feel they have to keep up, it's they feel if they aren't keeping up then they aren't 'good enough' because they are intentionally made to feel that way.  I'm not saying to celebrate recession or that anyone deserves it, but it does give people much to think about. It makes people reflect on what matters most in life. So while maybe people like the Joneses are going through the humbling aspect of it...those who've been true in humbleness while times were good, I think could feel a sense of being justified that maybe the Joneses will finally 'see' them as individuals and not by the products they use, cars they drive, or what street they live on.

Margaret:   Unfortunately, I'm afraid a lot of the Joneses pride runs a little too deep.  And I wonder if even a recession will root it out of them or humble them.   But, the Joneses are not the only ones suffering from pride.  My stinging worry about what the Joneses think of me is a form of pride also.  Pride can be so divisive.  It divides into those who have and those who do not; whether it be money, education, employment, skills, cars and toys, fame or popularity, fashion, creativity, food, friends, health and even life experiences.  PRIDE DIVIDES.  It singles out the difference rather than the commonality.
Pride has been and always will be the downfall of nations.  "A house divided cannot stand."  So if a recession wakes us all up and serves to unify us then I guess I could be glad for a recession too.  But will it take more than that?

Bobbi:  One thing I know, most won't admit they're being prideful.  Maybe because they don't realize that's what it is because they classify it as 'love.'  The Joneses could be feeling they are making up for what they lacked as children.  I think they feel it is a way to show their love for children.  I remember being a kid and wanting so much what my peers had.  I vowed that when I had children I would do more for them than I was receiving.  I didn't want them to feel humiliated at times like I did.  So I think the Joneses could be looking at it as now they aren't under their parents home/money/rules and they have the ability to make money and make the choices they never had the opportunity to make.  Is it the right thing to do?  I don't know other than it seems to raise a more 'entitled' generation.  I do know what you are talking about as well.  There are individuals who are livid with those who make generous money and buy nice things. There are those who want the wealthy to feel guilty because of their wealth.  My feelings are...if they worked and earned it, they should not be made to feel guilty for what they have.  The irritation I have is when they feel those things make them a 'better' person than those without.  But you are right, rich/poor, thin/fat, black/white, old/young...anyone is capable of pride.  Some are just better at showing it.  And I feel those walls can come down, but history proves...over time it will always resurface it's ugly head.  Recession can be a wake up call, but it's not a cure.

Margaret:  VERY well said!  I know the cure.  Just not sure everybody wants to hear it.
I must admit there have been times during this last week and this last conversation of ours that I have been keenly aware of and evaluating my own thoughts and behavior and wondered where I was on the pride spectrum.  Do I build and unify or do I divide with my thoughts, words and actions?  It takes so much self-control!  It is hard work, but probably not as hard as trying to keep up with the Joneses!

Bobbi:  Bottom line:  Never keep up with the Joneses.  Drag them down to your level.

See Food

Bobbi:  I was dining at Red Lobster last week.  I was enjoying my food, looking around at the ambiance.  My attention turned over to my left where a beautiful fish tank was placed with many fish...they were watching me eat my meal.  I suddenly lost my appetite.  That's messed up.  You don't see cows grazing around at Texas Road House.

Margaret:  Yeah, but I've seen 'em at Chick-fil-a!!  First of all, if you wanna eat fish, then go ahead.  Own it!  Awkward or not, you are a hungry person who needs to eat fish for high cholesterol.  Second of all, since fish have FEELINGS...you should probably just stay home and eat tuna out of a can!!

Bobbi:  Not REAL cows at Chick-fil-a.  How well do you think other restaurants would do if they stalked live animals of what they serve?  Does it not give you a bit of the heebie jeebies?  I feel guilty, especially when they're looking me in the eye. Own it?  Like as in take my food right up to the tank and make out with it in front of the fish?  You are cold!  And who's to say fish don't have feelings?

Margaret:  Hmmm...making out with a fish??    Could be fun....  OR...a cow!
OK.  So if fish have feelings, can you imagine how guilty the guys in the tank are feeling?!  Ooops!  I mean "gals".  The guy fish probably DON'T have feelings!

Bobbi:  I said make out with the food, not the fish...though that's a new thought.  I think while the gal fish were watching me in horror, the guy fish were checking me out.  The guy fish have feelings of reproduction...beyond that I'm not sure.

Margaret:  I had a fish tank once.  The guy fish ate all the babies.....

Bobbi: They probably deserved it.  You know what would be cute...if the fish wore little HATS!  Dinner and a show.

Margaret:  I would have to walk out.

Bobbi:  So, you're saying you prefer them naked?  Scandalous.  So this is interesting:  I went on Google to find any kind of picture of a fish with a hat on.  NOTHING.  This is an untapped market.  Margaret, I see dollar signs and our future secure.  Imagine the possibilities....

Margaret:  I suppose TWO people might get a kick out of it.

Bobbi:  Two is better than one. If I have to see my food, at least I can be entertained during the process. It's ALL about entertainment.

'The Help' Leaves Me Needing Help

Bobbi:  I saw 'The Help' on Friday night.  I loved it.  I believe it is a must see movie for everyone. I have never had any problems being 'racial.'  My mother did.  If I dated someone of another race it about sent her to her grave.  I always had the understanding that people are people.  I make an effort to try and be kind to everyone.  So why was it awkward as I went to the restroom after the movie to be in line with black women and not know how to act?  I felt if I smiled or started conversation (like I usually do) that these women would *think the only reason I was doing it was because of the movie.  So I did nothing, which seemed even more awkward.  Today at Walmart, I was in the printer aisle getting some ink.  I was with my significant other who was helping me find what I needed.  Right next to us was a black woman in a wheelchair.  I proceeded to ask, 'hey, do we need the black one or the colored one?' and she shot me a look that could kill...until she realized and remembered that we were ALL looking at printer ink.   What is happening to me??  This movie has made me too hypersensitive now.  HELP!


Margaret:  First of all, if you wanna smile and say 'hi' to someone in the restroom, then go ahead.  Own it.   Awkward or not...just be yourself.  You are a friendly person, to everyone, and no one need question that or your intentions.  If they do question it is because they are prejudiced.  (Prejudice is defined as 'prejudgement,  misjudgement,  preconception', etc.)  If they presume your intentions, they are basing them on little or no knowledge of who you really are.  They are basing them on their own past experiences (and their 'prejudgement, misjudgement, or preconception' of you).  Well, you are not responsible for their past experiences.  But on the other hand, if we presume their reaction to our intentions then what are we basing THAT on?  Our own prejudice or misjudgement?


Bobbi:  I've always been taught to think of others before myself.  Sometimes that can be a burden because I find it affecting how I act because I worry too much on how others will perceive things.  So how do I find a balance?  How do you find balance?


Margaret:  The burden of worrying about how others will perceive things becomes lighter when our desire and efforts to be nice to everyone are increasingly more true and genuine.  That increase comes from a constant effort to nurture and refine that God-given light in each of us--learning to love ourselves and others as God loves us.  As that genuine love and light grows, it will be evident to others and it will be less likely that they will take offense or misjudge.
But there will always be some who ignorantly and obnoxiously misjudge.  Life is about choice.  And while sometimes I'd really like to, I can not choose how others will perceive or react.  I do not like many of Pres. Obama's policies or ideologies, but because I disagree with him there are some that would say I am racist or a mean person (the newspaper told me so).  I am neither.  There are some that would say that because I do not support a homosexual lifestyle I am hateful, or bigoted.  I am neither.  But are not THOSE people prejudiced?
So, while I CAN NOT choose for everyone and what they think of me or what I stand for, I CAN choose to be true, genuine, humble and kind.


Bobbi:  I understand, and that's what I strive for.  The hardest part is most people are jaded from their life experiences- so to trust someone to be genuine within the first 5 minutes is very hard for some to do. Most feel trust is something earned and not freely given.  I know that because I've seen myself do it at times just by life experiences I've had within the past few years.  I used to believe everything a person told me until proven otherwise.  And for the most part...that is still the case.  BUT, I have also been around some individuals who through their works have proven to be dishonest, unethical individuals seeking a personal agenda.  I've been sucked in before only to be horribly let down.  I think some individuals are just weary from being let down so many times.  So, the question I leave for myself in reflecting on my earlier comments of perceived comments or gestures is that I should take a look in the mirror.  Am I going to give someone the benefit of the doubt and prove me wrong rather than living a life of conspiracy theories and have them prove me right?  Either way, I get hurt.  So you are right, my friend, the high road is always the right one.


Margaret:  "Be not weary in well-doing."
Remember, world, we fight prejudice (TOWARD us or FROM us) with forgiveness, patience, wisdom, honesty, generosity.  And when you feel hurt, judged, put-down or let-down instead of using your strength to stay bitter or make a plan of revenge DONATE your strength to building goodness and character in others.  And when you look in that proverbial mirror...look past your own nose and don't forget to SMILE!


Bobbi:  Honestly, I think that's why being an attorney has always seemed appealing to me.  You walk into a courtroom, guns blazing, saying what needs to be said without worrying about 'feelings' getting in the way.  It sounds cold and heartless.  It takes far more work building 'goodness and character' in others.  Can you tell...at my age I'm getting tired of being a 'builder'?  But it is so ingrained in me that I don't think I could change who I am.  I don't think I'd fall asleep at night feeling better if I chose to be any different.  It reminds me of the movie 'You've Got Mail'.  Meg Ryan so badly wanted to tell Tom Hanks of what a horrible person she thought he was.  She spoke of how she tossed and turned at night thinking of all the things she'd wished she said. So one day she worked up the courage to speak her mind without a thought of the other person.  She states, "for the first time in my life I was able to say the exact thing I wanted to say at the exact moment I wanted to say it. And of course, afterwards I felt terrible just as you said I would. I was cruel and I'm never cruel. Though I can hardly believe what I said mattered to this man. To him, I am just a bug to be crushed. But what if it did? No matter what he's done to me there is no excuse for my behavior."  


I think of that movie scene often when I am tempted to do the same thing.  I think sometimes the 'right' words not coming at the 'right' time is a blessing. 

Margaret:  Like...when you called me an "old bitty"??!!  :)


Bobbi:  I have no problem saying that any time any place.  Old Bitty.

Margaret:  Just remember, if you're standing in line in the restroom don't call the lady in front of you an "Old Bitty"!


Bobbi: Only if she's white.

The British have Invaded

Bobbi:  I just realized yesterday that my alarm system on my house speaks with a British accent.  It isn't a British company, therefore, what's the point?  Is a British voice supposed to have a more calming effect? Be more authoritative? Make me feel more elite? Eventually get me to have an accent too...because she talks ALL the time.  Guaranteed in her politeness, she isn't going to scare off any crime seekers.

Margaret:  Ummm...why is your alarm going off ALL the time?  Did you leave the front door ajar again?  Last week it was leaving the groceries out in the car.  You know, this memory thing of yours is starting to worry me a little!!

Bobbi:  It's because I live such an active lifestyle that I'm always going in and out of the doors, therefore she is always speaking in her perfect little British accent.  'Front Door'  'Back door' 'Armed'
Disarmed'  etc.  It does remind me of the time I dated the Australian fellow.  Not much to look at, but his voice was so exotic.  If only I could have kept my eyes closed indefinitely then things may have gone different between us.  The main difference here with the issue at hand is this is a woman, her voice is annoying to me and I don't think she'd be effective in protecting my home.

Margaret:  You've been bitter ever since you found out Mel Gibson isn't really Australian.  I'll bet he'd be effective in protecting your home!!

Bobbi:  He'd be effective in beating me senseless in my home.   If we are talking effectiveness, I'm thinking Ninja.  Imagine:  'Get out of my house now!!!'  (in a strong, yelling, Asian accent with sounds of swords clinging).

Margaret:  So...EVERY time you open a door or window you want someone to yell "Get out of my house now!!!" at you?  That WOULDN'T get old.  You'd walk in the front door, hear that and drop your bag of groceries (if you remember to bring them in).  Maybe it could just say, "I'm warning you, I know Kung Fu!!"  OR... how about Snow White...singing....  Calming, authoritative, elite and without an accent.

Bobbi:  How about no voice?  I don't need someone to tell me what door just opened.  Since I use the door, I'm pretty sure I know which one I opened.  At least give me an option like my GPS to turn it off.  I may be old, but I'm not stupid.  So either make me a ninja voiced alarm or leave me alone.